01 September 2008
I have encountered a website about Nurses' life tips and I love most of its posts. Here is one I want to share with you! Its really cool. *You can drink a pot of coffee and still go to sleep in the morning. *You look in your closet and can´t find anything non-medical to wear. *You believe every patient needs TLC: Thorazine, Lorazapam, and Compazine. *You can´t see it; it´s probably not there. *Your sense of humor seems to get more warped each year. *You think it is acceptable to use "penis" and "vagina" in a normal conversation. *You believe the definition of stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven´t fallen asleep yet. *You hope there´s a special place in Hell for the inventor of the call light. (hahaha!) *You believe that if warm wine enemas were routinely ordered, patient complaints would greatly decrease... [cont.] *You call some of your co-workers "Flowers in the Field of Medicine" because they´re bloomin´ idiots. *You believe not all patients are annoying. Some are dead. *You believe experience is something you don´t get until just after you need it. *You see stress as a normal way of life. *You have a tendency to laugh at your patient´s "big" problems. *You know the phone numbers of every late night food delivery place in town by heart. *You believe the problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. *You´ve ever thought, "Patients, God love ´em, because today, I sure don´t!" *Everything only happens all at once. *You have more T-shirts that say, "Love a nurse PRN" than plain T-shirts. *You´ve ever referred to other nurses as "Band-Aid Bunnies." *You´ve ever been telling work stories in a restaurant and had someone at another table throw-up. *You write a patient report and have to translate it to medical records because of all the acronyms in it. *You notice that you use more four-letter words now than before you became a nurse. *You´ve ever told anyone in pain to "stop being a baby and deal with it." *You have a patient in four-point leathers that asks if you´re a nurse, you reply "Yes", and walk away. *You´ve ever told a patient to "stop faking it." *You believe all bleeding stops...eventually. *You don´t get excited about blood loss unless it´s your own. *You don´t hit patients or doctors....unless absolutely necessary. *You believe the pain will go away when it stops hurting. *Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong and if nothing has gone wrong, you´ve obviously don´t understand the situation. *You believe if you can keep your head among all this confusion, you obviously don´t understand the situation. *You´ve ever said, "Why am I here?" *If you believe if a patient who has a catheter, he needs it. *Everyone gets treated exactly the same...until they piss you off. *When you get a call telling you the name of your next admit and you can do the care plan before the patient gets to the floor.(guilty? hahaha!) *When called for orders, the MD says, "Write them yourself; you know the patient better than I do." *You´ve ever had to contend with someone who thinks constipation for 4 hours is an emergency. *Ever rolled your eyes when the 14 year-old says, "No, I´ve never had sex." *You refer to motorcyclists as organ donors. *You can eat a candy bar with one hand while performing digital stimulation on your patient with the other hand, and it doesn´t bother you. *You believe Tylenol, Advil, or Excedrin provides a large part of your daily calorie intake requirements. *You´ve ever held a 14-gauge needle over someone´s vein and said, "Now your going to feel a little stick." *You can identify the "PID Shuffle" and the "Kidney Stone Squirm" at 15 feet. *You´ve ever had a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring and twelve earrings say, "I´m afraid of shots." *You´ve ever thought, "As long as he´s got a pulse, I don´t care about the rhythm." *You think the ultimate cruel joke is get someone drunk, take them to the ER and tell them he OD´d on "some kind of pills." *You automatically multiply by three the number of drinks a patient claims to have daily.(hahaha! commonly done) *You can keep a straight face when a patient responds, "Just two beers." *You feel that if someone is shot or stabbed, they probably deserved it. *You stare at someone in utter disbelief when they actually cover their mouth to cough. *You think "awake and stupid" is an appropriate choice for mental status. *You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac. *You have encouraged obnoxious patients to sign out AMA. *You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce. *Your most common assessment question at 2 a.m. is "Why is this an emergency now?" *You believe every waiting room should have a Valium salt lick. *You don´t believe 90% of what you´re told, and 75% of what you see. *You firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. *You have to leave the patient before you begin to laugh uncontrollably. *You believe a book entitled "Suicide: Getting it Right the First Time" will be your next project. *You believe a good tape job will fix anything. *You´ve ever had a patient look you dead in the eye and say, "I don´t know how that got stuck in there." *You have ever had a patient say, "I´m not pregnant, I can´t be pregnant! I can´t be having a baby!" *You have a special shrine in your home to the inventor of Haldol. *You can think of another 200 examples of "You Might Be a Nurse If..."
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